my feeling to my hubby

I just want to share my feeling right now in this blog... Where place that I can only expressed my feeling... Last night I cried for 2 and the half hours... I dont know how to stop crying... Until now, I am still struggling... I cant do anything... Last night I cry because my dear cant accompany me on this Christmas... Truely, it really hurt... Many thinking comes out to my mind... He want to visit his dead mom... And I know, how it means to him... But then, I also want to celebrate with him... I feel so sad... I dont know what to do... Once, he make me sad cause cant go Bali with me... And now, he cant celebrate Christmas with me... I am really hurt and sad... But I cant do anything... I hope I can see him faster... He promise he will be back on January... I hope this time he really keeps his promise to me... Cause... No matter what he promise me... I will always keep his promise... No matter how many times he had lie to me... How many times he had forget his promise... But I will still keep his promise... I know... And I believe that one day he will keep his promise... He will remember his promise... And another reason why I cant stop crying... Is... When he said that he got diseases... Anemia... I dont know whats that... I dont know... I just know I dont want to lost him... He is the one who can makes me happy... The one who can make me smile... The one who can let me love... The one who can make me sad... This is the 2nd time I falled in love... And I believe that my choice is not wrong... I dont want him to go away from my heart... From my days... I want him always in my side... No matter what happen to him, I will always love him... Always by his side... Even he become "plant man", I will still continue loving him... I wont stop... I wont change... We want to built our own family... Built our own house... Built our happiness... I believe he wont leave me... I believe he will built our happiness together with me... I believe that he wont make me sad... He wont make me unhappy anymore... I believe in me and him... And miracles... I believe there is miracles... GOD always give me miracles... I believe in GOD... I believe in him... I believe... Please GOD, dont make Gun leave me... Please make him my last lover... My only lover... I know, I always make him cry... I always make him sad... I always hurt him... I always make him angry... But... I will change... I really do... GOD, I am willing to change my health with his... I dont want to lost him... I remember he ever said we are going to dating for 5 years... And he will marry me... And we will live until 80 more years... I will keep his promise... It's hard for me to fall in love again... Once again I fall in love now, please dont take him away from me... GOD, I beg u... I dont have anyone except him... I dont want anything except him... I rather lost everything but I dont want to lost him... GOD, I dont have my own family... I want to built my family with him... Please, let this miracles happened... GOD, I believe in YOU... YOU will give me miracles right??? GOD, I believe in my choice... And I believe... YOU wont let him show up if YOU dont want let me love him... I am sure YOU will take care of him... I believe it... GOD, YOU ARE THE WAY, THE TRUTH and THE LIFE... I believe YOU wont take him away from me...