my BelovEd huBBy...ThankS fOr uR loVe.....

Erm... I want to talk about yesterday... Yesterday my hubby ask permission from me that he want to work until 4pm something... But he neva told me that his phone is out of batt and wanna left it at home to charge... HuH!!! And bcos of his fault, I felt sad... U know why??? Bcos at about 3pm something I zmz him and said : " I am so poor... Being left by my hubby... " And the hp reply this : " Who is ur hubby??? " And I stil thik its a joke... Then I said : " Ok... Not hubby... Just my lover... " And the hp reply : " Who is ur lover??? Do u know who am I?? I am Silvia... And who are u??? " I was so shocked... And I answer : " I am gun's lover... Who are u?? " And she replied : " I am his lover... We have been going this relationship for 3 years more... " And after that she turned off the hp... I was so shocked and hurt... And I dont know what to do... I thaught that he really back with his ex... And I zmz his bro asking who is Silvia... And his bro said that is his gf... And suddenly I think maybe my hubby just testing me... When he get home, he zmz me... But I replied him with no emotical... I cant said anything... I am so blank... So I take permission not to zmz... After that at night, I use my other hp to zmz him... Pretending that I am other ppl... That hp ever used to check on him and test him... last time I used that hp to say I am a gal who wanna be ur lover... But he rejected her... Hahaha... And now I used the same hp to say that I am a boy who likes May so much... And I used that hp to tell him everything that happened before he goes home... I oso treatened him that "alan" likes me... hahaha.... And my hubby become so moody... He ask his bro and his gf... And he scolded them... I am so scared... He is so emosional... Really... He never been like that to me before... He was so scared that I am hurt... Hehe... That make me love him more... I really do... Even when ppl said they likes me... I rejected them... Hehe... Hubby, thanks for your love... I love u...

cuRe a HeaRt tHat u'vE brokEn iT??nOt tAt eAsy...

Last nite I zmz Feb when I am in big emosion... Oh ya... Let me introduce u... Feb is someone who ever be my bf... Maybe for a week... Or 2 weeks... hehe... N now he is in Pontianak... Erm... Broke with him because he hurt me too much... That makes me dislike him... But yet he is so pity... So I still be friend of him... Erm, last nire he told me that he still treat me as his gf... And he still sayang me... He oso even call me yayank all the time... That wads makes me think of our relation before... But then, I dont want to get hurt by him anymore... No way... I hate the way he treats me... huh...!!! Did he think that it's so easy to break then cure my heart???? No Way!!! It wont happen!!! Never happened!!! It's not that easy to cure a heart that u have broken it... Maybe... We can just continue as friend... That's wad it will be for now lor... I still cant forget how he hurt me... Sorry... Everything comes so fast... And it really hurt my heart... I am sorry... Sorry that I cant forget the way u treat me...

Sorry???!!! Its not that easy...

Yesterday I receive a sms and msg from someone who actually I almost forget... After receiving her msg and sms, I bcome a bit moody... I dont know why its so easy for her to say sorry after what she had done to me and my family... She wanna said that it was becoz she is mad... But can she please think carefully who is she facing with???!!! In my "dictionary", there is no easy sorry... I cant forgive ppl easily after what I think they done to me make me very unhappy... Its not that easy if wan me to forgive her... Even she said sorry thousand times... Cos I am really hurt with wad she did... I neva said her bad things to others... I always believe her... I treat her as my own sister... N yet, she prefer to believe others... Believe boys that she just knew for few months... Remember before I taught her how to chat... And I really regret that I taught her how to chat... I duno wads in that boy until she prefer to choose him than me... I neva tell her wads in my heart... Now, I dont want to think so much... My hubby ask me to forgive her... But, sorry.... I still cant forget wad she did to me... I will neva forget... I will forgive her if one day I forget everything that she did to me... She always said tat she is not jealous when she see me get near wif her boy friends... But I know that she is... Bcos I can feel that... So, its hard for me to bcome friends wif them... They liked me... I do enjoy making friends with them... But yet, she always get jealous... I hate that... I dont know why she want to be jealous... Thats wad I hate... I really do hate that... I dont know what she wants... ShYt... Dont wanna talk bout her anymore... Just wanna say that, I dont like her... I still cant forgive her... I cant talk to her yet... And I cant forget what she done to me..

KesEdihAn dAN kEPeDIhaN

Ak ga tao apa yg haruz ak lakukan... Ga nyangka hal ini bs terjadi... Kesedihan yg paling ak benci... Slama ini ak adalah org yg ga kenal sedih... Apa ito sedih?? Ga ada kata sedih dlm kamus ak... Krn ak benci ama kesedihan... Kesedihan hanya membuat kt ga kenal diri kt... Dan kt akan melakukan hal-hal yg ga pernah kt lakukan... Mgkn jg yg akan menyakiti diri kt sendiri... Makana... Ak benci bgtz ama kesedihan... Tp... Hr ini ak berhadapan dgn kesedihan... Kesedihan yg slama ini paling ak takuti... Kesedihan yg ga haruz na muncul dlm hidup ak... Kesedihan yg paling menakutkan... Apa yg hrz ak lakukan??? Tangisan hadir dlm setiap mlm ku... Sakit hati muncul lge tiap ak bgn tidur... Mimpi buruk muncul dlm tidurku... Ak bnran ga tao hrz buat apa... Ak cape bgtz hadapi kesedihan ini... Disaat ak trima dia, ak tao klo suatu saat nante ak akan hadapi kesedihan... Tp ak ga nyangka bgtz kesedihan ini ternyata bgto menyakitkan dan lebih menyakitkan dr apa yg ak bayangi... Krn, uda sekian taon ak ga ngerasakan kesedihan ini... Ternyata ini yg nama na sakit hati... Ini yg nama na patah hati... Ak br tao... Ak sekali lge merasakan ini... Hal yg paling ak benci... Hal yg paling ak takuti... Apa yg hrz ak lakukan??? Knapa sich dia tega bgtz melukai hatiku?? Pdhal ak bgto menyayangi dirinya... Pdhal ak bgto care dan perhatian ma dirinya... Tetapi smua kasih sayang, care dan perhatian yg ak berikan, dikembalikan dgn sakit hati dan kepedihan dan kesedihan ini... Ak benci bgtz... Benci benci benci... Knapa sich kesedihan dan kepedihan ini hrz ada pada ak?? Knapa hrz muncul lge pada ak?? Ak benci ama diri ak sendiri... Knapa ak hrz sayang ma dia?? Knapa ak hrz trima dia?? Knapa ak mao perhatian ma dia sedangkan ak uda tao ak bakalan sakit hati... Knapa ak bs percaya ama janji-janji dia??? Knapa??!! Knapa??!! Knapa??!! Smua hal ini knapa bs terjadi??? Ak cape bgtz... Bnran cape...

kEnaPA kM gA miKiriN pEraSaAn aK???

Ak pikir ak bs mengubah dirinya... Ak pikir dia bnr2 sayang ma ak... Ak pikir dia bnr2 bakalan tglin cwe ito... Tp ternyata ak salah... Dia blg ke ak klo dia serius ma hubungan kt ini tp kenyataan na dia ga pernah mentingin perasaan ak... Dia ga pernah mikirin ak... Ga pernah tao apa yg ak mao... Ga pernah tao apa ak sakit hati ato ga... Dia blg dia uda ga ada hubungan ama cwe ito... Dia blg dia uda ga mao kontek ma cwe ito... Tp akhir na apa??!! Tetep aja pajang foto cwe ito... Tetep aja kontek... Tetep aja bikin ak sakit hati... Apa bnr ak ga pantes dpt kasih sayang yg tulus..?? Apa ak emank hrz kyk gini??? Hdp dlm kesedihan??? Knapa sich dia ga pernah mikirin perasaan ak??? Apa ak bnr bgto ga berharga buat dia??? Apa yg haruz ak lakukan??? Hatiku perih tiap ak melihat foto2 ito... Hatiku perih tiap ak inget ama janji2 dia... Apa yg ak kse tao, ga pernah masuk ke dalam otak na... Ak benci ama diriku yg ga bs apa2... Tiap hari... Tiap mlm ketika ak mengingat smua mslh ini... Ak cumen bs menangis sndr dlm kamar... Apa lge yg bs ak lakukan selaen menangis??? Kesabaran dan kepercayaan ito ada batas na... Ampe mana seseorg buat yg laen percaya ama dia... Ak ga tao mao lampiaskan kesedihan ku ke mana... Oleh krn ito ak menemukan tmn baek ak... Blog... Hanya dlm blog ak bs menulis smua kesedihan hatiku... Kata cc, cuekin aja... Biarkanlah smua berlaku dan kt tetep bersabar... Mgkn bnr, ak hrz bersabar... Ak ga akan ambil pusing lge...

PertEngKarAn dGn cwO rEsE

hEmz... gA taO dEH... Ga taO kNapA dIa bS gTo aMa aK... Apa sAlAh aK kE dIa?? DoLo eManK kT sEmpEt jDiaN... tP itO uDa keJdiAn lAmA bGtz... n sKrG aK jG uDa aDa PcR bR... aPa sAlaH nA kT jD tMn?? kNapA haNyA kRn dIa uDa pNy pCr bR trUz dIa bGtO dIngIn tErhaDaP aK?? dOlo kT sTlAh pUtuS tEtEp jD tMn kOq... MalAhaN aK aMa dIa bS cuRhaT2aN... Tp kNaPa sKrG dIa malAh gTo aMa aK?? DiA sURuh aK jGn Zmz dIa lGe... sUruH aK jGn cR diA lGE... cUmeN krN dIa uDa puNya pCr bR... bNrn gA nYanGkA... Di mAna JanJi2 yG dIa jAnjI kE aK?? dI mAnA jAnjI yG meNgaTakAn bAhWa kM kAn sElaLu tEmEniN aK?? Di mAnA jAnJI yG mEngAtaKAn kLo aK bLh cArI kM kaPan aJa, dImaNa aJa, kLo aK lGe bUtUH tEmeN?? Di MaNa jAnJi yG kM bLg maO bUaT aK keTaWa tRuZ?? aK sEbEl aMa dIa... aK gA nyAnGkA bGTz dIa bS tEga SurUh aK jGn kOnteK dIa lGe... SurUh aK meNjauH dR diA... aPa siCh SaLaH nA tEtEp jD tMn wAlAupuN dIa uDa pUnyA pCr?? tOh cWe nA itO jG g kNaL... tOh aK jG uDa aDa pCr... jD aPa sAlAh nA aK amA dIa tEteP jD tMn?? aK gA ngErtI aMa dIa... n Jg gA ngErtI kNaPa dIa hAruZ nyAkiTi aK mOlo... dOlo pAs bR puTuS... sKrg pAs uDa jD tMn... sAma aJa... cWo bRengSeK... aK maSe bErpIkiR klO dIa bS jD seOrG tMn yG aK peRcaYa... TerNyatA aK sAlAh... mGkN emAnK uDa wKt nA dIa iLanG dR keIduPaN aK x Yak... uDa wKt nA uNtuK meLupAkAn dIa... aK aKan hApuS smUa kEnaNgaN aK aMa dIa... aK aKan anGGaP dIa gA pErnAh mUncUl dLm hIduP aK... dAn aK akAn bUaT dIa ilAng Dr kEidUpaN aK sLama Na...

mY mEmoRieS

Disaat ak katakan kita putus,tao kah km betapa sakit hatiku??? Taokah km disaat ak mengatakan putus,hatiku sedang menangis??? Taokah km ak sangat menyayangi km??? Taokah km ak sangat merindukan dirimu??? Tapi semua ito sudah berlalu... Pada tanggal 20 July 2007, ak sudah memutuskan untuk putus dengan dirimu... Ak tao selama ini ak salah menyayangi org... Ak ga sehrzna menyayangi dirimu yg ga mgkn menyayangi diriku... Ak mse seperti org bego yg menunggu dan berharap km bisa menyayangi diriku... Tp akhirna ak sadar klo ak ito salah... Ak ga sehrzna menipu diriku untuk tetep sayang ma dia... Skrg... Walaupun ak uda jadian ama dia yg laen... Tp di hatiku mase ada dirinya... Dirinya yg pernah hadir untuk mewarnai hidupku... Gimana juga dia tetep bagian dr masa lalu ak yg pernah buat diriku bahagia... Makasi bgtz krn uda mo hadir dlm hidupku... Mewarnai hidupku... Menyayangi diriku... Membuat diriku bahagia... Menjadi bagian dr kenangan indahku... Makasi bgtz... Ak tetep kan sayang ma km... Tp dengan status yg berbeda... Krn di dlm hatiku sudah ada yg laen... Seseorg yg akan mengantikan dirimu... Ak kan berusaha untuk menyayangi dia sepenuh hatiku... Pokokna, makasi atas semuana... Semua yg kau berikan pada diriku... Terima kasih... Kau akan selalu dlm hatiku... Menjadi kenangan ku yg terindah...