20.02.2008

Hemz... Suddenly I feel wanna talk... Wanna write out everything I feel... For now, I feel sad, angry, mad, wanna cry... I dont know why... Last nite, he left me behind... He dont reply my zmz... That really hurt me... I dont know why he like that... Usually he can take jokes... But last nite, he was so so different... I cant said anything too... So I just let him like that... I didnt call him too... I thought this morning he will wake me up as usual... But he didnt... Usually even we are having quarrel, he will still wake me up... But not this morning... I dont know why, I feel like crying... But I dont let the tears to come out... Then I come in my office and start my computer... I sign into yahoo messenger... Waiting for him to online... As I wait, I always look into my hp... And I hope that he will msg me... BUt he doesnt... I am really dissapointed... And I really feel wanna cry... Oh GOD, please help me with this feeling... After that, I see him online... But he didnt find me... He just set up his status... And we chat thru status... I dont know why, I feel so hurt in my heart... Since valentine day until now, this is the 1st time we quarrel again... And I, I am so so sad... Why?? Why everytime I have to quarrel with him?? Why everytime I have to get hurt 1st then he will realize what I want?? Why everytime I have to roll down my tears then he will realize whats wrong?? I really dont know what should I do now... I am so so tired... But everytime when I listen to his voice, I cant stop... I cant stop loving him... Only with him I can be myself... Be a gal who is exhausted of love and care... But he... He doesnt realize that... He doesnt know that I am exhausted of love and care... I dont know what should I do... Hemz... GOD, please show me the way how to face all my problems... I really dont know what should I do... I realize that I do really love him... And I guess, so do he... But why?? Why sadness always comes to me after happiness?? He put on a ring on me... We have an unformal engagement... I am so so happy... A ring that curve our name and love on it... Tears... I hate tears... It always drop from my eyes... But then, without tears, I cant cry... What should I do now?? I am speechless... Why we always quarrel because of small matter?? I am so so sad... Oh GOD... Please help me... What should I do...?? Please lead me in this problems... GOD, now YOU are the only one who can change him... Change him to be a better man... Please guide him... Please look after him... Thanks GOD...